Quote of the day
“I didn’t say whiteboy, I said whiteboard!”
[Response to a purposefully misinterpreted subject for a photo.]
Subtle Humor
Grooveshark.com, a music streaming site, delivers data through a few different sub-domains. My favorite:
cowbell.grooveshark.com
God called….
He rang me up on my cell on non-peak (thank God) hours. I was like, no shit, God is calling me? On my cell phone? And he was like,
“Dude nothing supernatural works anymore. Burning a bush is so environmentally non-friendly. Make a lawn circle and people act like I’ve raped their dog. I could have done another Kevin Smith movie, but I figured I’d try a phone campaign.”
“No way?”
“Way! G1 all the way, love that little keyboard. I’m even getting the whole texting thing down. LOL! KIT!”
“But why are you calling me?”
“To shoot the shit.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. So what you doing?… Ha ha, I’m God! Of course I know what you’re doing. In fact, remember all those times you promised me that if I didn’t crash the airplane you wouldn’t masturbate anymore?”
I took my hands off the keyboard.
“You’re so busted. Liar liar, pants on fire.”
My face was totally red. “Umm….”
“Haha, just messing with you. What do I care if you give a new meaning to free range chicken. I got so much bigger fish to fry. Like my flock, they are so far astray right now, I figured I’d ring up all you heathens.”
“So, what about…”
“No.”
“And…”
“Yes.”
“Ummm…. God, do you actually want me to talk?”
“Dude, sorry, it’s this omniscient thing, you know?”
“So you don’t actually talk to them?”
“Hell NO! They lost privileges! They try so hard with their shallow prayers, but oh lordy! I hear them and I pretend I have a headache.”
“Were you really going to let her into the white house?”
“Not my job, that’s your job. Nice work though, kept me from having to wash the planet clean again.”
It was so awkward, but there I was, watching the clock tick by as God was chatting away before I heard him say, “blah blah bla, oh good, you’re back. I know you gotta go. You’re always busy, but I like to talk, too. Ha ha! Anyway, time to give Rev. White a call, pretend I’m Al Sharpton and record the whole thing for Youtube. Talk about viral. Late!”
Pigs
I love bacon. Yesterday, while eating some bacon Ice Cream that my wife made, I thought about how pigs are generally considered to be intelligent, yet they love to wallow in their own shit.
I wondered if perhaps they happily root around in the dirt is because pigs are intelligent enough to realize they are nothing more than animals, and perhaps they are wise enough not to try to be anything more than that.
Whether they are filthy through ignorance or honesty matters not, as bacon in all its forms is damn good.